So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
