I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
