why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
