even my farts smell like vagina
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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