Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
