He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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