That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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