There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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