i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
