apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
