The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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