paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize