so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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