Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
