Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
