Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
