Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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