T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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