I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you traded sex for a burrito?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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