I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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