I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
