i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
