Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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