if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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