I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
