Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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