I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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