I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
