After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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