You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
