The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
