no you cant smoke seaweed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
