I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The air was thick with penises
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
