Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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