In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I fill condoms, not promises.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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