Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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