why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
