She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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