he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
