Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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