just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we should paint friendship bongs
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
