went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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