She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
