I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
