When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
