Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
