Your mouth is God's brothel.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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