I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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