i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ladies don't puke and tell
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
