just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
