Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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