the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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