i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
