you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
