3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
