My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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