you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
