McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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