i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Randomize
