Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
