i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
