This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
