Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
