I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
