Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize