A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
