I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I could make wine with my vomit
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
