Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
