Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
