she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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