all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
