happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
