you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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