I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
