How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
